The black hole of depression and the light beyond it.

Depression can be debilitating. It can drain our energy and take away our enthusiasm.  When it is severe, it can feel like it has taken away even our hopes and dreams. It can be hard to think about anything good, anything positive. Depression can be so destructive..... Then someone comes along and asks 'why don't you just pull yourself together?'.....

It seems to me that the feeling at this level of depression has similarities with a black hole. I'm thinking about how light cannot exist in a black hole - not does not exist but cannot. It can feel as though the depression has somehow destroyed anything good or the ability to be aware of anything good.

These two things are quite different though. It may feel that nothing good exists any more. Perhaps though, it is that what we have temporarily lost is our ability to be in touch with the good. Just as light exists beyond a black hole, so a sense of the good may exist beyond the 'black hole' of depression but we feel unable to get in touch with it.

This may however gives some hope though. Abilities can change. If we can visualise ourselves in a black hole, then perhaps we can think about the possibility of there being light beyond it. In this sense, depression can be like tunnel vision and in finding a way to be able to take a step back, we may be able to see the light again, even if at first it is just a glimpse. We have broadened our perspective or at least seen light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel that mindfulness practice can help with this process of taking a step back and seeing the bigger picture. When we focus in and get tangled up with negative thoughts and feelings, our view may be restricted or tainted, and we do not get the full picture. Perhaps this is one reason that depression and loss are so often associated. We lose sight of the good and lose heart. I want to say though that I believe that the good stuff is still there but out of our view. This can be something to hang on to, and to give hope.

This idea of a black hole seems to put the good outside of ourselves and it may well feel like that. However while it may feel like that, perhaps the good stuff is closer than it seems. I would suggest that it is still within us but somehow obscured.

If it is obscured by the black hole of negativity, then perhaps processing the negative or difficult stuff can clear the way to seeing the good again. We can come to realise that the good stuff, the positive feelings and thoughts were still there all along. It was just that we had our 'black hole glasses' on, and they were distorting our view.

In times when we feel in a black hole, it can seem that that is how it 'really' is. We can then have the thought that 'We were kidding ourselves that life could be okay'. What I want to say is that it is the black hole feeling that causes us to think that there is nothing beyond it. We can get drawn into this, and our negative thoughts and feelings reinforced. It cons us into a distorted sense of how things really are, limiting our view and blocking out the light.

However, we are not our thoughts or our feelings. These can come and go, and we can be affected by them, but they are not us. If we can see ourselves as observers of our thoughts and our feelings rather than being consumed by them, we have begun to take that step back. We also can begin to understand why it is that we may feel so bad at times.

In seeing that the black hole as just a limited, and so distorted perspective, we can begin to move beyond and glimpse the light again. Describing hope as a light at the end of the tunnel seems to me very apt.

Lin Travis Counselling Services

Empowering qualities in counselling

Coming to therapy, and asking for help, can seem like a big step. People may feel that somehow they should be able to cope or at least muddle through on their own. They should be able to do this and they ought to be able to do that. Sometimes though the 'shoulds' and 'oughts' aren't enough - that's just not how you feel.



The counselling room in Stroud, Gloucestershire

Having a space to talk about what bothers you and to reflect on your concerns can in itself be helpful. This is a place where it is okay to talk about you and how you feel. That can be a relief. We are not generally used to having that space just for ourselves. It's a space where you can talk and that means also a space where you are listened to. What you say is heard and considered.

This therapeutic space can also be containing. To come along each week, and talk for a set amount of time, and then stop, can help contain difficult thoughts, anxieties, and painful feelings.Talking in therapy and learning to contain these thoughts and feelings can help us gain a healthy control of them. This can be an empowering experience.

I feel that empowerment is an important concept in therapy. It has sometimes been said that counselling or therapy can create a dependency. However I feel that effective counselling does the opposite. It empowers people by helping them gain more understanding of themselves and in attaining a more healthy control of their emotional life. In that way they may be better equipped to deal with any difficulties, not only in the present, but in the future too.

Lin Travis Counselling Services

Attacking the most vulnerable in our society

Saddened today to hear both about a journalist attacking those who want to raise awareness of mental health issues; and a politician planning even further welfare cuts. It seems to me that  they are both targeting some of  the most vulnerable in our society.

When you are in a position of power, is there not some obligation to use that power in a way that is not abusive?

Would Freud have blogged?

Having started this blog just a couple of days ago, I've thought about what I might write as a counsellor - what was OK to write. Then the thought occurred to me today as to whether Freud would be a blogger if he was still around.

As a psychodynamic counsellor I've been taught that in the counselling room I should be pretty much like a blank screen - it's not about my stuff, the focus has to be my client. But then while Freud and those coming after him may have advocated a blank screen or tabula rasa stance for the therapist, that did not mean they didn't publish a variety of papers and books concerning their theories and therapeutic work. I'm not about to publish some marvellous new theory, nothing that grand I'm afraid! I just wanted to have a space to talk about topics that interest me concerning my work.

Mindfulness was the first topic that came to me to write about, perhaps because there has been a fair amount written about it recently from a cognitive behavioural, (CBT), point of view. As a psychodynamic counsellor I wanted to say that while the CBT approach is fine, it's not the only way to do it. Psychodynamic counsellors, therapists and analysts have used mindfulness in their work for many years.

Dreams are another topic that interests me. I find them fascinating! I guess these are two quite different topics and how this blog will develop, I'm not sure. I hope though to make it about subjects related to therapy or counselling and the approach I use myself - particularly the psychodynamic approach.

Ways of communicating have became increasingly sophisticated since Freud's time. We can use different media and connect with others worldwide in an instant. I wonder where this will lead us in terms of therapy?

Lin Travis Counselling Services

Dreams - are they worth investigating?

Dreams have always fascinated me. Sigmund Freud saw them as the 'royal road to the unconscious'. How interesting is that? The unconscious, a part of us that we cannot know directly, is there to be explored by looking at our dreams. Freud saw the unconscious as being populated by repressed parts of ourselves, bits we have found difficult to face.

Carl Jung on the other hand has had a broader view of the unconscious. For him, the unconscious contains a 'shadow' side; but is also the source of our spirituality and creativity. The unconscious in this view is a vital and creative part of our selves and our personalities. Doesn't that make our dreams worth investigating?

There are books where you can look up dream objects and find out what they mean. This may be interesting and a starting point; yet it may tell you little about yourself. The objects in our dreams are our own creations and so may have meanings particular to ourselves. These individual, idiosyncratic, particular meanings can give clues to previously undiscovered, unexplored parts of ourselves.

This view of dreams seems to me to open a door to not so much another world as to another side of ourselves, another perspective that can be useful for us in our everyday lives. Therefore, while fascinating in itself, looking at our dreams can broaden our perspective, unblock our creativity and help us out there in the everyday world.

Lin Travis Counselling Services

Mindfulness and Counselling

I haven't had a go at blogging before, so it may take me a while to get the hang of it! I'm not brilliant at IT, but I wanted a space to chat about counselling and related issues. Right now I'm thinking about #mindfulness and how useful it can be in counselling, wellbeing... and life!



Stepping stones across the water

I feel that there are many ways in which mindfulness can be used to good effect. There are some useful CBT techniques for instance, but that doesn't necessarily tell the full story. Mindfulness has been around for thousands of years - it's certainly stood the test of time. People can use it in so many ways - to help relax, to improve focus and concentration, to meditate, to relieve stress, anxiety or depression. It can be used to help people with long term pain problems. It can be quite a powerful tool. You can see that I'm a fan!
I've used it myself personally for over forty years; and in recent years with clients / patients in therapy. It's not everyone's cup of tea but in my experience it has real therapeutic value both for those in distress and also to increase wellbeing.

There are many ways of learning to be more mindful. Perhaps the most important thing to say though is that it's not about doing it 'perfectly' but about having a go. You can read about it and think about it, but it's the actual doing that's the most important.Wrestling with what makes it difficult is being mindful.

In a way it's so simple and yet so difficult at the same time. Perhaps that sounds really vague. Here's an example...go for a short walk and try to focus on just walking, your body and how it feels, putting one foot in front of the other. You'll notice that your mind soon begins to wander. That's OK but just gently notice what thoughts come into your mind and then go back to focusing on the walking. That's it!

What that exercise does is to begin to train your mind to focus rather darting about - as minds usually do. It's a gentle kind of control not forced  In doing this you can learn to take a step back from your thoughts rather than getting tangled up in them as is so easily done.....Kind of coming out of tunnel vision and seeing the broader view. This can be very therapeutic.

Another way I find useful to approach mindfulness is through #gardening. Seeing the colours, smelling the scents, doing something physical can all help us focus in the present moment, How many people have found themselves 'lost' in the moment while pottering around the garden. We're involved in using our senses and that helps us keep in the present moment, rather than being bothered by the past or worrying about the future.

Just smelling a favourite flower or herb can have that effect - getting us out of our thoughts and aware of ourselves in our physical surroundings - the smell of honeysuckle after the rain, a favourite rose, a pot of jasmine on the windowsill. These are some of my own examples, others will have their own....what are yours?

By Lin Travis

www.lintravis.co.uk