Adoption and Tracing Birth Parents and Families

Many adopted people may know very little, if anything, about their birth families. If you are in this position, you may have thought about whether or not you would like to trace members of your birth family.


Even to begin on that journey can feel scary. You may have a multitude of questions concerning your birth family - will you get any answers and what kind of answers might these be? It may be that you feel quite ambivalent about finding things out and whether or not you would like contact with any family members you might find.


As you proceed in this journey, having a space to reflect can be helpful. The human mind seems to dislike blank spaces and we imagine what we don't know. For an adopted person, this can mean that you have ideas concerning your birth family that may be challenged by what you actually find out. Trying to make sense of it and develop a better understanding can take time.


Often people find that they take their investigations in stages, finding out so much and then letting that sink in before taking things further. This seems a sensible approach, given the emotions that can be stirred up in the process.


Nowadays a great deal can be found out through the internet. You never know what you might find! Perhaps it is not possible to be always prepared, but you can give yourself time to reflect on and process your findings. Having time and space to allow your journey to develop, at a pace with which you are comfortable, can be important for your wellbeing.


Research into family trees seems to be getting more and more popular, not just with those who are adopted. It seems as human beings we often want to think about where we came from, as part of how we see our identity - who we think we are.


Each person's journey can have its own twists and turns including discoveries, (good and not so good). If you can take care of yourself in this process, you'll be in the best place to make decisions that will work best for you.


If you would like help and support in your search, Lin provides face-to-face counselling in Stroud, Gloucestershire;  and telephone counselling for those living in the UK.


Lin Travis Counselling Services

Adoption issues, individual narratives & the importance of listening.

In Adoption Week in the UK, I wanted to write something about adoption issues. This is not about adoption itself as a process, but about those who may have been affected by it and still have issues around it.

We don't normally hear much about adoption in the press; and I feel people often don't know how to react or respond to the subject. For those affected by it, this can feel quite alienating. It can feel like nobody understands. I'm not pretending here as a counsellor to be all knowing and understanding. That's the point, how can I or anyone understand unless somebody tells us what it's like for them?  

Both in life generally and in counselling, I've met quite a few people affected by this issue. What strikes me most is that everyone has their own story, their own particular narrative. There is definitely not a 'one size fits all' account.

The circumstances around adoption may often be complex; and adoption has happened for a wide range of reasons. Individuals react differently, even when circumstances appear to be similar. The only way we can gain some understanding is to listen - to hear someone's story.

This could apply to other circumstances, not just adoption, but I do feel that adoption issues can be particularly multi-faceted; and people's responses can be complex and often conflicted. This is normal. Complex situations are likely to produce complex responses and feelings.

If we can listen, if we're interested in what the other person has to say, then we provide an opportunity or space for that person to be heard - whatever their story.

Lin Travis Counselling Services