Leveson - free speech,responsibility and the 'Reality Principle'.

The Leveson Report came out today, raising discussion on a number of issues including free speech and responsibility. How do we strike a balance between, on the one hand, free speech; and on the other hand, on protecting members of our society, particularly the most vulnerable, from inappropriate and intrusive behaviour. This seems to me to touch on very basic values, both politically and for us as individuals.

On an individual level, freedom and responsibility can be difficult to balance, just as difficult as they are in our society at large. If I do whatever I want, then how does it impact on you? Therefore if I want to act responsibly, I need to consider how my actions will affect others. This then limits my individual freedom to some degree. How far should these limits on our freedom go? How do we best protect both ourselves and others?

We use rules and regulations to limit our behaviour - some from outside of ourselves, such as rules in our society, and some self-regulation. We need some rules or framework for our lives. These can give us guidance, including ways of behaving ethically and appropriately - part of having a social conscience. We take these rules in, internalise them, and use them in our own judgements and ways of behaving with others.

We therefore interpret our society's rules in our own individual way. We have our own individual social consciences and these can at times do battle with the part of us that wants to have the freedom to do whatever it wants. In Freudian terms, this is the 'superego' versus the 'id'. The superego may be said to voice our social conscience; while the id voices our individual desires and needs. These two therefore come into conflict with each other.

There is however a third part of the internal dynamic, according to Freudian theory. This is the 'ego', the part of us that tries to manage the internal conflict between superego and id; and beyond this with the outside world. The ego then is the part of us that looks at what is 'realistic' for us as individuals for ourselves and in relation to others, as members of society. Freud called this the 'Reality Principle'. We try to be realistic in our perspective and how we behave.

How we interpret rules and react to them therefore seems to me to be quite a fundamental part of human behaviour, part of our individual personalities. Some of us are quicker to follow outside rules than others; some like to position themselves more as outsiders or perhaps as rebels; others as more like campaigners wanting to bring about change - to modify existing rules.

Looking at how we react to changes in rules and regulations in our society therefore can say something about ourselves as individuals. Aren't human beings interesting?

Lin Travis Counselling Services

From badgers to couples counselling - blaming or working together.

Reading again today about badger culls and TB, it made me think again about blame versus responsibility. If there's a problem, there will be some people who find the easiest way out is to point the finger, saying 'It's their fault, nothing to do with me.' In this case, the 'solution' proposed by some has been a badger cull.

It seems a simple solution, but life is often more complex than that though isn't it? In this example, there are badgers with TB; and there are cows with TB. Killing some badgers seems to me unlikely to 'solve' the problem. However as long as the 'culprit' is out there, a perception of 'them' and not 'us', then this type of tactic is likely to be proposed. 

Surely it makes more sense to say that there is a problem and ask what we can do co-operatively to find the best way forward? I'm using the badger issue as an example, as I think it shows just how easily we tend to take sides and to blame and perhaps even to want to punish.

Even to talk about 'solutions' as such can be unhelpful sometimes when dealing with complex situations. Sometimes we have to work on what might be good enough; and manage risk; and find the best way forward. It all sounds very woolly, doesn't it? Dealing with uncertainty can feel like that sometimes but is probably much more realistic. Life can be very uncertain and unpredictable; and there may not be obvious 'solutions' to all our problems. Does this mean that we have to pretend that we have all the answers, or that we can allow ourselves to be uncertain at times?

Uncertainty allows a space for more open-minded exploration and may be more likely to find a productive way forward - much more likely than easy answers that may be ill-considered. Blaming can leave us feeling angry, empty and powerless. Thinking about co-operative ways forward opens the door for a broader view and more creative ideas.

This more open-minded, co-operative way of looking at difficult issues can be applied to badgers; to politics; and also to ordinary individuals trying to relate to each other. For two people, (for instance in couples counselling), to say 'we have a problem that we would like to work on together' is very different to saying 'I think it's his fault!'

The open-minded co-operative approach immediately allows a space to think about what's going on. Without blaming, we can feel comfortable enough to do this, even if it's not easy. This can be really helpful in couples counselling. It may seem like we've come a long way from badgers here, but the same basic processes are involved.  This is about how we relate as human beings whether to other creatures; to other people generally; or in our closest associations with our loved ones.

In fact the closer we get to others, the harder it can get. We can feel more defensive; and when we feel more defensive, we attack more and blame more. However in choosing not to take 'blaming' as the default position, we can take a step back and think about working co-operatively with others. We can work together on the problem and we are no longer alone.

Lin Travis Counselling Services

Does pointing the finger help? Fault versus responsibility

In therapy, the subject of blame often comes up. We can feel reluctant to talk about things causing us distress for fear that it seems we are blaming others, especially those close to us, those we care about. It can seem disloyal and that it's better to say nothing, to keep it all to ourselves.

In psychodynamic therapy and counselling, we often look at the past and our upbringing - the influences and events as we were growing up. Are we just blaming the previous generation - stirring up bad feelings and making things worse? Perhaps we should just forget about the past and focus in the present.

However, we can still find difficult  and distressing things in the present. Do we ignore these too for fear of blaming? On the other hand, would it then be better to blame and get it out of our systems - point the finger and have done with it?....

Yet if we do point the finger, we may well feel empty and powerless - after all it's 'their' fault, nothing to do with us. It must be up to 'them' to do something about it. Therefore if we focus on blaming or not blaming others, we can go round and round in circles and feel tied up in knots - stuck. Where does that leave us?

I feel that the way out of this can be to see it from a different perspective. If we can think not about blame but rather about responsibility, then things can begin to shift. We can't take responsibility for what other people do, but we can take responsibility for how we react to them.

While we blame others, we are focusing on what we would like from them. We feel powerless. However if we instead focus on our own thoughts and feelings, this is likely to be much more useful for us. We can't take responsibility for others' actions, but we can take responsibility for how we feel in the situation. Accepting how we feel can be powerful. It gives us a starting point, something we can work with. Maybe surprisingly, taking responsibility for how we feel doesn't mean staying stuck. Quite the opposite! It seems to act as a release and allows us a focus and space to reflect from our own perspective and to make sense of things.

Putting how we feel and think into words, and using words to make sense of these thoughts and feelings, changes the emphasis.We get to know ourselves better and to have more understanding of ourselves.  We are no longer focused on everyone else and waiting for them to do something. We begin to get some sense of control and personal meaning in our lives.

Lin Travis Counselling Services